Well it is time for a diet update I guess

I weighed in 2lbs less at weight watchers this week.  Which is good, but considering it had been 3 weeks since my last weigh in not so good either.

Still I press on, I am at the doctor on July 8th and hope to at least be a bit down from what I was when I saw him last.

I bought my tent this weekend and I put it up tonight to see how to do it.  Pretty good, I am really looking forward to my camping trip this summer now.

So my officer told me last night that she was going to start pressing things on to get my full case papers going for CFOT, so today they emailed me and got some more information from me.  So hopefully that will start moving a little quicker.

I do have to take a course, but I’d kinda like to wait until later to take it to get a feel for whether or not I will get accepted because the course is $900 and you only get reimbursed if you get accepted.  $900 is a lot of money.

Other than that nothing much is new.  I am all moved in to my parents house now, getting ready to save all the money that is required.  So things are rolling, I just hope that they roll the right way.

I am exhausted

And my sister did most of the work. 

This weekend was moving weekend.  My sister and I moved as much as we could out of my apartment and over to my parents place.  It was 2 days of work and I was almost going to cry because it looked like we were never going to make a dent in the stuff…until I let Linda just start throwing stuff away.

So now all we have left is the big stuff to move…a dresser, bottom half of my china cabinet, my bed, my desk and a bookshelf.  I have no idea where all this is going to fit in my parents place and I am pretty sure they don’t either.

I hate moving.  Hate it.  Which is funny, because I am working towards a life profession that will see me moving very often.  I keep telling myself though at least there will be no big furniture to move, and they will get me movers to move the boxes…..that’s the one part of being a Salvation Army officer that I will hate…..moving.

Blame it on the Rain

Well the May Long is upon us. 

There are 3 things that will always happen on the may long weekend well at least they have been my experience over the last few years.

1.  It will be cold, we have not yet hit our balmy summer weather in Winnipeg, and we don’t usually until after the long weekend.  It’s ok during the days, but at night…cold

2.  It will rain.  Whether it is a few showers here or there, or a downpour that last for hours it will rain.

3.  Despite these 2 undeniable facts, hundreds of crazy Winnipeggers will head out of the city to go camping.  I am one of these crazy people, although I do not “rough it” I will be counted among the crazy. 

I’m looking forward to it, last year was my first year going and I had a blast…and it was so relaxing.  This year they are actually calling for good weather (knock on wood).  No matter what happens though, no matter what the weather.  I know I will have a good time because I will be away from everyday life, relaxing and chilling with some of the people I love.

So here’s to may long, thank you Queen Victoria…without you I’d have to go to work on Monday.

Here is what I will miss come June

I know that we are only beginning of May, but June will come fast and as of May 31st I need to be out of my place…so moving is on my mind.

There are a few things that I am really going to miss come June.

I am going to miss my freedom. I’m moving back in with my parents to save money so that hopefully I can make it to CFOT in 2009. I’ve been on my own for 2 years now, so it will be hard to go back to living with my folks. It’s not that I don’t get along with them, I do and I am grateful that they are allowing me to come and stay with them, rent free for a year. It’s just that once you have been out living alone not having to worry about thinking of someone else. I could come and go when I want and not have to consider the needs of other people…so it will be an adjustment.

I will also miss my view. I have a great view. Check it out…

It is a great view and peaceful…I love it here.

I will also miss my friends. I have really appreciated the cadets that were assigned to my church this year. I felt like I really got to know them, and we hung out a few times and had a great time together….A even got me hugging…I KNOW!! Well their training is done and come mid-June, they will be heading on their way to their new cities/towns to begin their ministry. I will miss them a lot.

So June brings some transition, but change is inevitable and we can’t let it slow us down.

Well it has finally happened

I turned 30 years old today. 

I was dreading this day for the longest time.  I have been depressed about this day.

Friends told me that it was no big deal at all, and I did not believe them. 

Well today when I woke up, I believed them…I did not feel any different than yesterday.  I am fine.

Then I hopped onto my bike for my 14.7KM ride to work and not only am I ok with being 30, but I am going to embrace it.  My 30s are going to be my greatest years.  I have a lot to accomplish, and unlike all the things i wanted to accomplish by the time I was 30, I am actually on the road to doing now, and if I had done them sooner it would have not been right I think.

I am getting into shape in an effort to take better care of my health.  I am watching what I eat, not only to lessen fat intake, but to try and get the proper nutrients into my body.  I am exercising, who knows…maybe that goal of running the marathon will come true in my 30s.

I am getting ready to go into CFOT.  This has been a lifelong dream and it will happen in my 30’s.

Things are going to be good, 30 really is the new 20.

Also a shout out goes to my Grandma Erva Deacon, who would have been 84 today…I love you and will always miss you, especially on our day!

Sometimes someone has to say it for you to hear it.

I’ve been having a real hard time with the spring bus schedule change.  In the spring, my regular bus to Scurfield and Waverly gets cancelled, and in order to catch the one that leaves five minutes earlier I have to get out of bed about 20 minutes earlier…(it’s my second bus you see).  Anyone that knows me, knows that I have a hard time in the morning, so leaving 20 minutes earlier has been quite an adjustment.

Sometimes when I am running late and miss my first bus, I see my uncle on the next bus.  We usually don’t get a chance to chit chat, because we usually don’t wind up close enough to talk.  Today though, we wound up sitting right next to each other pretty much.  We talked mornings, and hockey.  Somehow we transitioned from hockey to running, and my uncle said something that I have always known to be true, but I just really needed to hear it today.

He said:  I’ve learned something with my running, and that is I gotta stop worrying about what everyone else is doing, and how well they are training and their times, and concentrate on my own race. 

Even though he was literally talking about running, I took what he said to heart.  On my way to officership, I have been paying attention too much to other people, comparing myself to them.  Wondering why I am not as smart, eloquent, or well rounded.  I get it into my head that because I am not like so and so that means I will not be a good officer (I’ll have to explain one day what I mean when I say good officer).  Just because I am not like other people and don’t seem to have it all like they do, doesn’t mean that God won’t use me.  Actually it seems to me that if we look into scripture, God uses screw ups more often than not.  I need to stop comparing myself to everyone else, and concentrate on the race that lies before me.

As for the last post, thank you both for your comments, your thoughts mean a lot to me.  Secondly, I have been trying to get over it, and I am.  I did receive some encouragement tonight after choir practice.  My officer came to me and told me that she saw some really great leadership in me tonight.  Considering what she had said before, I appreciated it.  For me it just made me aware that she does see some good things in my ability and that encouraged me.

In totally unrelated news, I’ve been having some trouble lately with my limbs.  Actually that is not totally unrelated because to be accepted to CFOT I have to be in reasonable good health, and there is something concerning me a great deal right now. 

For the past month, I have been noticing that if I stand still for more than 10-15 minutes my right leg has been falling asleep.  Annoying but bearable.  Well today, the tingling started in the shower…not even 5 minutes into it, and it has also spread to my right arm.  I had a hard time leading the choir tonight because my arm was so tingly.  It still functions well and does not hurt at all, just really tingly, and now my hand is really red.  So I am considering calling the doctor tomorrow to see if I can get in to see him.  I hope it is something simple like a pinched nerve or something like that, that can be fixed.  I hope it is nothing big enough to slow down my application process for CFOT.

 

Ugh

EDIT

I realized after I posted this that some might think I am being arrogant in saying….look all these people love me, they do for me.  It’s not that I think it is anything about me that makes them do these things.  I think it is the nature that they are such loving and giving people and I am constantly amazed by them.

 

I had a lovely week off from practices and the like last week.  I’m overall glad for the break, even if it did cause some minor annoyances.  It’s going to be tought to get back into the swing of doing something every night again.  It all starts tonight with a meeting, but it’s what I signed up for so I won’t complain.  Actually the meetings aren’t bad either, my pastor does a really good job at trying to keep them at an hour.

In other news over the past little while I’ve realized how good my family and friends are. 

My sister goes without saying.  What kind of sister comes over to the other sisters house and helps her clear out a storage room because the other sister thinks she saw a mouse?  Not many.  Not to mention the fact that my sister seems to always put me first.  Hey Lin I need to change the day we hang out this week, No problem.  Hey Lin I need 20 bucks, no problem.  Hey Lin….no problem.  I take her way too forgranted.

I also have good friends, and I want to share how they have impacted my life in the past 2 days.

I have a friend who knows that I’ve had a particularily rough few days, and knows how angry I have become about something and says “hey I’ve been thinking about you all weekend” with a big hug that is not so long that I feel smothered, but long enough to allow me to know I am loved.  Then after a few hours has passed and this person can see that I am not getting over it to say to me, “hey what are you doing later on today, because I have this paper due that I am working on, but I’m am sure I’ll need a break how about we go for a walk later and some ice cream (which turned into coffee).  Drives all the way across town to pick me up, and takes 2 hours of her time, to hang out with me.  What kind of friend is this?

The other way I was impacted was by 2 other friends.  Two very different people, whom I value very much.  Both of them prayed with me, in very different ways.

The first was yesterday.  You see when I get angry I tend to spout off my mouth, not a good trait and something I definitly need to work on before CFOT.  This one friend though, listened to me, offered advice on how to see things differently.  When all was said and done, she said I think we should pray.  I was a little uncomfortable, but not surprised because this friend is after all in training to be a pastor.  Her prayer was not a “hey I am a pastor and this is my duty prayer”  It was God I thank you for my friendship with Jackie prayer.  It was a prayer that made me feel loved and valued and I really appreciated it.

The other friend who prayed with me, is not in training to be a pastor.  She does not attend church, I’m not sure she follows one specific religion.  She was just telling me that she prays all the time, like she thanks God for her food etc, she asks for guidance.  She tells me today that she was asking God for guidance and that through me he gave her an answer.  Ok…but then she says, well Jackie I want to pray and thank God for you right now.  I am floored, and she prays, and it wasn’t like a simple, Dear God thank you for Jackie prayer.  It was a prayer that lasted a couple minutes.  Our friend came by and she did not get nervous and stop, but kept on praying….for me!  This impacted me because sometimes people get all weird about prayer, and we think that we are unworthy to pray with certain people…and my friend reminded me that is not the case.  She is not what you would expect in a Christian…I don’t think she classifies herself as one.  But here she is praying with the pastor wannabe….knowing full well that she has the right to approach God himself with her own words.

I am truely blessed….who are these people?

Getting better

Well, things are getting better, still missing the dog but I probably will for a while yet.

I did see a lady out walking her dogs today and thought of asking if I could pet one.  I did not though, instead I kept walking and burst into tears. 

 In other news the following song has been in my head all day long.  I’m not quite sure why, but it reminds me of 2 things, One: that I am so thankful for the grace of God, and Two: There is no other place I need to go for grace other than to God. 

O for a heart that is whiter than snow,
Kept, ever kept ‘neath the life-giving flow,
Cleansed from all evil, self-seeking and pride,
Kept pure and holy by Calvary’s tide! 

O for a heart whiter than snow!
Saviour divine, to whom else shall I go?
Thou who didst die, loving me so,
Give me a heart that is whiter than snow.

O for a heart that is whiter than snow,
Calm in the peace that he loves to bestow,
Daily refreshed by the heavenly dews,
Ready for service whene’er he shall choose!

O for a heart that is whiter than snow,
With the pure flame of the Spirit aglow,
Filled with the love that is true and sincere,
Love that is able to banish all fear!

O for a heart that is whiter than snow,
Then in his grace and his knowledge to grow,
Growing like him who my pattern shall be,
Till in his beauty my King I shall see!
Author:  Eliza Edmunds Hewitt (1851-1920)

TGIF

I’ve decided to file this under This ‘n’ That.  This ‘n’ That will be a Friday entry for me every week, where I just write about life in general and things I have not blogged about in detail.  I think I will use the this heading to list the lighter side of things from the week and the heading That will be reserved for the more serious or heavy thoughts of my week that I have not blogged on.  Careful, it seems that This ‘n’ That are going to be the windows to my heart, more-so than my other topics.  Or perhaps I am just going to organize this blog completely.

 This:

I’ve had access to a car all week, because my aunt and uncle are away and Linda and I are kidsitting for them.

I feel like I have barely been to work this week, because I was off on Tuesday because my back has been very sore, and on Wednesday I had a meeting all day at my bosses house.

My picture is on salvationist.ca under the Frigid mantiobamorphosis thing.

That:

I’ve been thinking more about lent, and what I was trying to get at the other day, is that I think that in giving something up it needs to be more intentional.  Lent is not something to be treated like a new years resolution.  Am I giving something up because it’s that time of year and I feel like I should?  Do I keep committed to it because I don’t want to hear other people saying something or do I keep committed because lent is something that is important to me?  To tell you the truth, I’m not sure for myself.  Maybe I am just pissed off that I can not do what I want to be doing, or at least do it without feeling guilty.  If you want to know the truth it’s only been 3 days and I have already given in to temptation, so do I pick up and continue on, or do I accept failure and move on?  I don’t know but it is up to me and I will decide for myself what lent really means for me.

I’ve been thinking a lot about my grandma’s in the past few months, like daily.  They have both been dead for a few years now, Grandma Deacon passed away on Sept 22nd 2001 and Nanny Wynne passed away on November 5 2003.  It’s like I have been in mourning all over again though.  I seem to be reliving the days leading up to my Grandma Deacon’s death, I remember being at the college and heading to lunch after chapel on the Wednesday and collapsing alone in the stairway after everyone had passed because I knew the day was coming soon and I could not accept it.  (It was my first major death).  I am remembering my uncle in his grief as we surrounded her beside that night looking up at us all and saying “could you sing?  Sing her something army”  and we did, we filled her last night with us with song and the love of a family who adored her.  Although it was an event that was very scary for me (I’d never watched someone die before I did not know how it would happen), and although it was a little awkward for me (I didn’t know if I should be there because it was just me my brother and sister there none of the other grandchildren), and although I was overcome with a grief like I have never ever experienced before, I would not trade those moments for anything. 

It was a little easier for me two years later when Nanny Wynne passed away, not because our relationship was different (it was different, because she was a different person than my Grandma Deacon), and not because I loved her less (I did not love her any less than my Grandma Deacon).  I think it was just easier because she was not my first death, I had experienced death already and was aware of what feelings would come.  Yet I still have this longing for her and the things that she brought to my life.  The experience of her death was quite different for me as well, she was in a nursing home, not at her house.  Hers seemed more sudden to me, I didn’t seem to have to watch her in pain the last little while of her life.  The family just got a call saying that they staff at the lodge thought that she would pass away that night, due to the blood settling in her legs.  I went up to the lodge to give my parents something that they needed and was able to spend a few minutes with her before she died later that night.  I was not in the room when she died, I was at home.  Her room was small and it was not practical, and my dad’s family does things different than my mom’s and that’s ok.

My two grandma’s were different ladies and I dealt with their deaths in different ways, but they did have some very similar qualities.  They both had a very strong relationship with Jesus Christ.  They both did what it took to help people out when they could, both of them held the other in very high regard and always spoke of each other like they were family.  God used both of them to help mold me into the person I am today, someone with the desire to always do better (not in a you’re not good enough way but in a encouraging growth kind of way).

I think the reason I have been thinking about them so much is that I have finally taken steps toward something that I have known I was going to do for a long time.  I think it is something that they would love to be here and see for themselves, because I think they knew it too and would affirm it in me.  In taking those steps I have been looking at different situations some easy and some difficult, and wondering how I can handle them better, or how I can experience less stress and anger in some situations.  When I am thinking these things I envision the conversations I would have with my grandmas and what advice they would give me.  I’m sure sometimes they would affirm the decisions I have made and tell me to stick with it, but more often than not I have been thinking of situations (while I am on the bus) where they would challenge me to see things another way, or flat out say I think that is wrong Jackie.

What I appreciate about both these women is when they would challenge me on an action or something I had expressed to them, I never ever felt stupid or less loved.  They had the ability to give me their point of view and wrap me up in love while they did.  They approached it differently, but I think that my walk with God is closer now because of them and the influence he allowed them to have on me, and the influence that continues on even in their absence.

Boy do I ever miss them.  I’ve lifted them up on a pedastal, and granted I am sure they were not perfect but they were mine!

Boy was that a long post….if you’re still reading thanks for listening.

Friday is too weird?

So I have been neglecting my blog lately.  I’ve been too busy with the usual Christmas activities, and then so tired from them when I have been home that I have not felt like writing.  I did reflect on the rest of the promises in my Soldier’s Covenant, but I just have not had time to write them out…and don’t think I will for a now.  However that I might in the future.

I came across this article today. 

I think that it is ridiculous that a court can tell someone what to name their child.  Apparently it is for the protection of the child, to save him from future name calling.  However I don’t think the name is that horrible.  Friday?  Ok so it is a little strange, but if this name is so crazy, how come no one intervened with Gwenyth Paltrow when she named her kid Apple. 

I guess in a different country the rights and freedoms of it’s citizens are very different.  Seems to me though that it’s the parents right to name their kid…if the kid doesn’t like it it could always change it later.  Or the parents could change it if they realized the kid was not being treated nicely because of it.