Sometimes someone has to say it for you to hear it.

I’ve been having a real hard time with the spring bus schedule change.  In the spring, my regular bus to Scurfield and Waverly gets cancelled, and in order to catch the one that leaves five minutes earlier I have to get out of bed about 20 minutes earlier…(it’s my second bus you see).  Anyone that knows me, knows that I have a hard time in the morning, so leaving 20 minutes earlier has been quite an adjustment.

Sometimes when I am running late and miss my first bus, I see my uncle on the next bus.  We usually don’t get a chance to chit chat, because we usually don’t wind up close enough to talk.  Today though, we wound up sitting right next to each other pretty much.  We talked mornings, and hockey.  Somehow we transitioned from hockey to running, and my uncle said something that I have always known to be true, but I just really needed to hear it today.

He said:  I’ve learned something with my running, and that is I gotta stop worrying about what everyone else is doing, and how well they are training and their times, and concentrate on my own race. 

Even though he was literally talking about running, I took what he said to heart.  On my way to officership, I have been paying attention too much to other people, comparing myself to them.  Wondering why I am not as smart, eloquent, or well rounded.  I get it into my head that because I am not like so and so that means I will not be a good officer (I’ll have to explain one day what I mean when I say good officer).  Just because I am not like other people and don’t seem to have it all like they do, doesn’t mean that God won’t use me.  Actually it seems to me that if we look into scripture, God uses screw ups more often than not.  I need to stop comparing myself to everyone else, and concentrate on the race that lies before me.

As for the last post, thank you both for your comments, your thoughts mean a lot to me.  Secondly, I have been trying to get over it, and I am.  I did receive some encouragement tonight after choir practice.  My officer came to me and told me that she saw some really great leadership in me tonight.  Considering what she had said before, I appreciated it.  For me it just made me aware that she does see some good things in my ability and that encouraged me.

In totally unrelated news, I’ve been having some trouble lately with my limbs.  Actually that is not totally unrelated because to be accepted to CFOT I have to be in reasonable good health, and there is something concerning me a great deal right now. 

For the past month, I have been noticing that if I stand still for more than 10-15 minutes my right leg has been falling asleep.  Annoying but bearable.  Well today, the tingling started in the shower…not even 5 minutes into it, and it has also spread to my right arm.  I had a hard time leading the choir tonight because my arm was so tingly.  It still functions well and does not hurt at all, just really tingly, and now my hand is really red.  So I am considering calling the doctor tomorrow to see if I can get in to see him.  I hope it is something simple like a pinched nerve or something like that, that can be fixed.  I hope it is nothing big enough to slow down my application process for CFOT.