This is a test, this is only a test…..

If this were real adversity things would be much worse and you would not be able to see the light at the end of the tunnel. 

Ok Ok, I had to throw some humor into my day.  Perhaps I am the only one that remembers those commercials from the 80’s.  It was before the cold war ended, before the Berlin wall came down.  I didn’t really know much about these things so I looked it up, and you can read the information here.  It was on the American channels of course, but I remember watching TV and having shows interrupted with this annoying beep and some instructions about how instructions would follow in an actual emergency.

Well I am feeling very “tested” these days, if we want to go into church lingo.

Things don’t seem to be going very well.  It’s amazing how quickly things can change. 

I’ve been trying to learn to be a better person, I want to learn how to be a very good officer.  My officers have been pretty good at helping out with that too.  What has really blown me away this week though is some of the stuff my officer said to me this week in our meeting about my development.  I know that there are things I need to work on before I go into college, but some of the things she came up with were like, I don’t know, it’s like they are looking for things to say that I am doing wrong. 

I am a big girl, I do somewhat ok taking criticism (depending on the source).    Most of my friends will tell you that I am pretty upfront and honest and accepting of my weaknesses,  of course there is stuff that no one likes to hear and yeah my initial reaction is always to get mad, but usually after a couple of hours or days I can see the point in what someone has said.  Not in this case though.

Some of the stuff that was said was true, and I can handle it.  Some was so off base though, it has left me reeling.  I need to just build a bridge and get over it, but I am so mad…so mad.

That’s why I feel like I have been tested.  I need to act in a way that is professional and God-honoring, because if I don’t that shows to me that I can not handle the adversity that will come my way as an officer.  When I become an officer there is definitely going to be criticism, that is a lot of the time probably going to be just, but sometimes, it will be totally off-base.  How I react will be indicative of my relationship with God, and his love.  So yeah, even though it was way off base, and even though I am mad…this is a way to grow and learn, so that I can be a good officer when the time comes.

So here’s to building bridges.  Everyday is new, and provides new opportunities for growth.

A loss and some thoughts

Well my first week back at weight watchers was pretty darn good.  I lost 5.2lbs.  That makes me happy when the hard work I have done over the week pays off.  Apparently exercise really does help.

I also ordered my new glasses today, they are a very weak prescription, but I am hoping that they help with my headaches.   My eyes are 2 different strengths.  I never knew though that now, the lenses are more expensive than the frames.  I am not covered for eyeglasses either, so today’s purchase took quite a big bite out of my bank account.  Oh well what can you do.

A Nice Relaxing Saturday

I better not say that I am relaxing too loudly, some people might try to fill up the hours I have to myself with things to do.

I am not actually completely relaxing either, I am packing, getting ready to move back home in about a month.  I am playing rock band too.  I really love that game.

As far as the diet is concerned, I’m not doing too badly.  Thursday and Friday were tougher for me, I could not stop eating for some reason, but I did count everything, so I should still see a loss this week.  I’ll be really mad if I don’t. 

Other than that there is not a whole lot new in my life.  Well I better get back to packing.

I need to stick with it

This blog might be about dieting over the next while.  I find that I need to become obsessed with it in order to stick to it.  So for the next few days at least it will be my obsession. 

Today went pretty good, I had some dried fruit for breakfast about 2 points worth, and for lunch I had some 3 point soup.  For supper I cooked some pasta, about a cup and had some vegetarian sauce and added extra veggies to fill me up.  It was good.

I have my breakfast ready to go for tomorrow, and for lunch I will have the second half of today’s soup, then it is off to mom and dad’s for supper. 

I also got a bit of exercise today.  I insulted the favorite wrestler of one of the individuals that I support, so I got chased around the shop quite a bit.  I also jogged part of the way to the church tonight for my practice, which although it was not much..it was a start.

So one day down…gone pretty good I hope it continues.

Today I used 3 flex points.  Not too bad considering my normal appetite.

And I sigh again.

Well the diet is not working at all for me these days, so I have decided to go back to Weight Watchers.  Yeah for like the 5th time.  It’s crazy, I just can’t seem to get motivated and stay motivated.

I’m telling you this though….this is the last time I will be going to Weight Watchers.  If I can not stick it this time around I won’t.

Does it make a difference?

I had to run to Safeway to pick some things up on my way home from my parents today, and I happened to be wearing my uniform still.  It was not really busy or anything, but a couple people took double takes.  It got me to thinking, and I wondered does the uniform really make a difference to evangelism?  We say that’s one of the reasons we keep it around, so that we are recognizable to others, and we can use it as a tool for evangelism.  Does it really work?

I think the uniform is good, I think it could do with a makeover, but that’s just my opinion.  I am tempted though to do a little experiment and wear my uniform out in public on a certain day of the week, and then the same day the next week wear something else and see if there is any difference in the way I am approached or if I am approached at all. 

I don’t know we’ll see how it goes.

Ugh

EDIT

I realized after I posted this that some might think I am being arrogant in saying….look all these people love me, they do for me.  It’s not that I think it is anything about me that makes them do these things.  I think it is the nature that they are such loving and giving people and I am constantly amazed by them.

 

I had a lovely week off from practices and the like last week.  I’m overall glad for the break, even if it did cause some minor annoyances.  It’s going to be tought to get back into the swing of doing something every night again.  It all starts tonight with a meeting, but it’s what I signed up for so I won’t complain.  Actually the meetings aren’t bad either, my pastor does a really good job at trying to keep them at an hour.

In other news over the past little while I’ve realized how good my family and friends are. 

My sister goes without saying.  What kind of sister comes over to the other sisters house and helps her clear out a storage room because the other sister thinks she saw a mouse?  Not many.  Not to mention the fact that my sister seems to always put me first.  Hey Lin I need to change the day we hang out this week, No problem.  Hey Lin I need 20 bucks, no problem.  Hey Lin….no problem.  I take her way too forgranted.

I also have good friends, and I want to share how they have impacted my life in the past 2 days.

I have a friend who knows that I’ve had a particularily rough few days, and knows how angry I have become about something and says “hey I’ve been thinking about you all weekend” with a big hug that is not so long that I feel smothered, but long enough to allow me to know I am loved.  Then after a few hours has passed and this person can see that I am not getting over it to say to me, “hey what are you doing later on today, because I have this paper due that I am working on, but I’m am sure I’ll need a break how about we go for a walk later and some ice cream (which turned into coffee).  Drives all the way across town to pick me up, and takes 2 hours of her time, to hang out with me.  What kind of friend is this?

The other way I was impacted was by 2 other friends.  Two very different people, whom I value very much.  Both of them prayed with me, in very different ways.

The first was yesterday.  You see when I get angry I tend to spout off my mouth, not a good trait and something I definitly need to work on before CFOT.  This one friend though, listened to me, offered advice on how to see things differently.  When all was said and done, she said I think we should pray.  I was a little uncomfortable, but not surprised because this friend is after all in training to be a pastor.  Her prayer was not a “hey I am a pastor and this is my duty prayer”  It was God I thank you for my friendship with Jackie prayer.  It was a prayer that made me feel loved and valued and I really appreciated it.

The other friend who prayed with me, is not in training to be a pastor.  She does not attend church, I’m not sure she follows one specific religion.  She was just telling me that she prays all the time, like she thanks God for her food etc, she asks for guidance.  She tells me today that she was asking God for guidance and that through me he gave her an answer.  Ok…but then she says, well Jackie I want to pray and thank God for you right now.  I am floored, and she prays, and it wasn’t like a simple, Dear God thank you for Jackie prayer.  It was a prayer that lasted a couple minutes.  Our friend came by and she did not get nervous and stop, but kept on praying….for me!  This impacted me because sometimes people get all weird about prayer, and we think that we are unworthy to pray with certain people…and my friend reminded me that is not the case.  She is not what you would expect in a Christian…I don’t think she classifies herself as one.  But here she is praying with the pastor wannabe….knowing full well that she has the right to approach God himself with her own words.

I am truely blessed….who are these people?

know what makes me sad?

The fact that I can not find the spell check on this thing, apparently it is gone, and I am lost without my spell check.

Polo Park and sleep

I’m so tired it has been a long week.  I went to Polo Park last night with my mom and my sister, mainly to check out the new McNally Robinson they have there. 

I do have to say that I was less than impressed with it.  It is nothing like chapters.  McNally Polo Park boasts a 2 level store, yet on the top level it is simply a very small CD, and entertainment book section.  Which is fine considering the mall has 2 other CD stores already, and I’ve always wondered why you would go to a bookstore to get music CD’s.  I’m not quite sure why I am surprised at the lack of splendour in the upper level, since I knew that it was going in the old SportsCheck location, I’m not quite sure what I was picturing.

There are escalators to head downstairs, I assume to impress customers or make store entry easier.  I see that as a waste though because even I could climb the 20 stairs to get in to the store, it’s just encouraging more laziness.

Once you get downstairs it is set up in like 2 big circles, I hated the navigation required to see the store.  I felt like I was in a maze and the sections were not really clearly marked.  I like a bookstore to be clearly laid out, I want to browse the books, and do it with ease not have to search for things. 

Now that I think about it too, I don’t remember seeing the checkout at all.  I’m sure it was some place obvious, but I was too tired and irritated to look after trying to navigate through the store to browse my favorite book sections. 

I don’t know it might grow on me after the familiarity of a few more visits sets in, but I am more inclined to take the extra trip over to chapters.

2 short months left

Well that’s it, I handed in my unsigned lease.  I have 2 short months of Independence left and then it is back home with mom and dad for a year before I head to CFOT (hopefully).  I have started filling out my forms, have requested my college transcript.  The ball is finally rolling, and it is still going to be a long process, but one that is well worth it.

I just hope officership is not as confusing as the paperwork.